Happy 2 Year Anniversary!!!!!!

Hey Wonderful Folks,

We decided to write a list of the 10 most important things we learned over the 2 years we have been married! It seems like the time just flew right on by. When we first got married, it was just me hanging out with my best friend. Now a family of 2 became a family of FOUR in such a short time.

  1. PRAY Together- This is the most important thing that we learned. We have to continue to pray for and with one another.
  2. Always keep open communication- Talk, talk, and talk some more. We found that this eliminates a lot of assumptions and misunderstandings.
  3. We do NOT go to bed angry- We resolve our issues before going to bed and don’t let things linger on to the next day, week or even month.
  4. We FORGIVE LIKE CRAZY- There are going to be disagreements, hurts, misunderstandings and you’re going to have to be quick to forgive. Jim happens to be better at this than I am lol.
  5. Spend Quality Time Together- Even though we are new to parenthood and want to spend every waking moment with our little man, we have got to spend time alone to nourish our relationship.
  6. Be Intimate- Make time to not only be alone together, but to enjoy each other intimately; and NOT AS A CHORE!
  7. Support each other’s dreams and goals-Jim is super ambitious and had a goal to get yet another promotion and he also put a date on when he wanted that to happen. So I put it on the vision board, started speaking to him as if he already had the position, and even suggested he change his attire as if he already had it, and sure enough he got the position before the date that he set to get it. (Won’t God Do It!)
  8. Have date nights-We realize we are still married and Jim always says it’s important to stay connected, stay together and stay in love. So we have our night which is Tuesday and that night it’s all about US. We do NOT budge on this night or make other plans because it is truly the ONLY night we get to have to enjoy one another.
  9. DO NOT EXPECT THE OTHER PERSON TO MAKE YOU HAPPY-This is a big one because every single day is not going to be peaches and cream! I notice that some people will say they are so unhappy because of what their spouse is NOT doing. But what are you doing to make yourself happy. Jim is the king at this. See he is already a happy person so he is going to do what makes him happy. If he wants to watch a football game, play a video game, or listen to music then he is going to do that and he is perfectly happy doing it and he always encourages me to do it too. I love reading books, making t-shirts and cards, and shopping. So he encourages me to do the things that make me happy. Jim works overnight and he is a manager so he is gone a lot and I work during the day. It’s pretty easy to say, I’m so alone and I’m so unhappy because he’s not home, or he’s not helping me, or he’s this or he’s that. But then I had to take a good look at myself and snatch my whole life and remember, there was a book I said I wanted to read but couldn’t and things I wanted to do but didn’t have the time. Dare to dream again and remember your hobbies and the things you used to do so you won’t get lost in marriage and expect your spouse to meet your every need. You aren’t needy like that; you’ve just misplaced yourself. So go find yourself and all of the things you love and dust off those dreams. This was an ah ha moment for me.
  10. FIGHT FAIR- There are going to be disagreements and arguments at times. But never hit below the belt, call names, bring up old things, get violent or anything like that. Fight in love and always respect one another. We live by this. We are close friends so we aren’t going there with each other. Even in a heated argument, we don’t call each other names and we are always respectful to one another.

Marriage takes work but it is a job I absolutely LOVE! We learn so many things along the way. Now we are parents and get the opportunity to pour into our children and love on them. Below are some photos from our Anniversary Celebration. We went to Sojo Spa Club in Edgewater, NJ.

Love you guys,

Team Holmes

 

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 31

To Do: Read Proverbs 31

Focus Point: The Entire Chapter

In a society that points us towards everything except Jesus, it is easy for all of us to get pretty discouraged. Proverbs 31 paints a beautiful picture of a woman of God and her unwavering faith. The verses in this chapter describe how a virtuous woman cares for her family and community as well as her work ethic. She is encouraging and supportive and she does not complain as she works tirelessly to provide for her family. She nurtures and builds her household as she is a good steward of her resources and makes wise decisions. She lives with purpose and makes preparations for each day. She is strong enough to complete her duties because she finds strength in the Lord. She perseveres through hard times, even when she may not feel like it and sacrifices her time and her comfort. She is well rounded and is much more than just a wife and mother; she is a provider. She reaches out to the needy and is caring and compassionate to those around her. She does not worry because she trusts in the Lord’s plan for her life. Now that we have come to the end of our series I pray that you are all wiser in your marriages. I am reading the Book The 5 Love Languages right now and it is awesome. I recommend it to anyone who wants to wise up and understand their spouse better.

Here are 17 Characteristics of this Proverbs 31 Woman that I thought stood and the woman that helped me become the Woman I am today.

  1. VIRTUE – “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” vs 10 
  2. FAITHFULNESS-“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life”. vs 11
    My Mom

     

  3. REVERENCE-“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” vs 12 
  4. STRENGTH-“She is energetic and strong, a hard worker.” vs 17
    My cousin Jojo

     

  5. ENDURANCE-“She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.” vs 18
    mom & grandma

     

  6. Well Rounded- “Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber.” vs 19 
  7. CHARITABLE-“She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy.” vs 20 
  8. PROVIDER-“She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes”. vs 21
  9. WELL DRESSED- “She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.” vs 22 
  10. WIFE OF A GOOD HUSBAND-“Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders”. vs 23 
  11. HONORABLE-“She is closed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future”. vs 26
  12. WISE-“When she speaks, her words are wise…” vs 26
    Dr. Jones

     

  13. KIND-“…and she gives instructions with kindness.” vs 26                                                                      
  14. GOOD MOTHER-“She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.” vs 27
  15. PRAISEWORTHY- “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her. vs 28                                 
  16. ATTAINS/EXCELS- “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world. But you surpass them all!”
  17. FEAR OF THE LORD-“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will greatly praised.” vs 30        

Affirmation of the day:

I am a Proverbs 31 Woman!

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 30

To Do: Read Proverbs 30

Focus Point: Proverbs 30:23

Today we are reading through this chapter and writing down everything that comes to mind concerning your marriage. This is all about you and what you need in order to become wiser in your own marriage. My Pastor always says that marriage is a designer original and only YOU know what YOU need to make yours work.

The scripture that stuck out to me when I read it was Proverbs 30:23. Verse 21 says, “There are three things that make the earth tremble”….Then verse 23 goes on to say,, “A bitter woman who finally gets a husband”.

This stood out to me because it made me remember that in marriage, at some point, the pretending stops. Who you really are is going to come out at one way or another. If you’re insecure while you’re single, your insecurities are just going to be heightened in marriage. They are not going to disappear. If you’re a bitter woman and you finally find a husband, you’re just going to be more bitter which is why the scripture says this makes the earth tremble.

It made me think of all of the things that went on in my past and how I can’t allow them to enter my marriage. Past relationships, past pains and hurts have no place in our marriages and if we do not constantly work on ourselves and use the wisdom God gave to build our marriages up, we will never be content in them.

Affirmation of the day!

Every day in every way my spouse and I are happier and happier.

 

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 29

To Do: Read Proverbs 29

Focus Point: Proverbs 29:20 & 22

These two scriptures definitely go together. The New Living Translation of Proverbs 29:22 says, ” An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.

These scriptures definitely apply to marriage.When it comes to your spouse, use wisdom when it comes to how you respond to them. The word of God says, “There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking”. Speaking without thinking leads you to getting angry and then starting fights. God is warning us against this in these 2 verses.

In marriage, it may seem difficult to do but it’s so important to think before speaking to avoid misunderstandings. Often times long-time intimate partners lose awareness. They are so familiar with each other that they just expect automatic forgiveness when they say something in a hurtful way. They forget to THINK that a more caring delivery is more likely to get them what they want.

Some people in long term committed relationships forget to think before they speak because they assume their partners would not get offended and understand what they really mean, but some things just down sting. Think about the very beginning of your relationship. You watched everything you said because you did not want to hurt their feelings. You have to go back to that now!

For example: When I was Pregnant with Prince Julian, I threw up most of the pregnancy and my husband had all of the cravings so he actually gained weight with me. What if I had said geesh babe, looks like we are both pregnant for real as big as you’ve gotten. ( I definitely did not say this, just using it as an example). But had I said something like that, even if it was jokingly, it could have hurt his feelings. If it were the very beginning of the relationship, I may have thought long and hard about how to say that and it would have come out like, Let’s get a gym membership and workout together because I want us to be healthy and for you to stick around for our future children.

Remembering how to say things in an effective and caring way doesn’t mean compromising integrity or honesty. Partners who have been together for a while need that kind of openness with each other. They want accurate feedback from someone they trust. But that isn’t a license for delivering truth with a pointed spear.

Affirmation of the day:

I use my words to uplift my spouse every single day.

 

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 28

To Do: Read Proverbs 28

Focus Point: Verses 14 & 28

Today we are going to read Proverb 28 and meditate on it. Listen to what the Lord is saying concerning your marriage and write it down in your journal!

 Affirmation of the day:
I am honest and open with my spouse!

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 27

To Do: Read Proverbs 27

Focus Point: Proverbs 27:17

There is mutual benefit in the rubbing of two iron blades together; the edges become sharper, making the knives more efficient in their task to cut and slice. Likewise, the Word of God is a double-edged sword that we are to sharpen one another with in times of meeting, fellowship, or any other interaction. The proverb also indicates the need for constant fellowship with one another. Man was not made to be alone, so in our marriages we are to devote ourselves to teaching, fellowship, praying and other activities that provide opportunities for sharpening one another.

Affirmation of the day:

I sharpen my spouse every single day!

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 26

To Do: Read Proverbs 26

Focus Point: Proverbs 26:18-19

We all may know someone like this who says something insulting to you that causes you harm and then when you confront them about it, they say that they were only joking. Now take a moment to think about your relationship and your spouse and ask yourself if you’re using wisdom when it comes to how you are speaking to them.

Are you being offensive  or hurtfully sarcastic? Are you a person who likes to say what you think with humor as if that somehow makes your words more tolerable? We are not to use supposed humor to allow us to insult and hurt others; we are to model the love of Christ.

Look at the words of the scripture. Such a person that hides insults behind his supposed humor is like  a man who hurls flaming arrows. That means this person is dangerous, destructive, and deadly and you must watch out for them.

Now this is not saying that you should not have a sense of humor. Of course we can laugh with each other, we just need not be so quick to laugh at one another or put one another down. We can find other ways to laugh with joy and not with malice. We need to be wise and learn to love each other with our words and with our deeds.

Affirmation of the Day:

I always use my words to lift up my spouse!

 

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 25

To do: Read Proverbs 25

Focus Point: Proverbs 25:9-10

These two scriptures are very practical. When arguing with your spouse, never hit below the belt and bring up secrets that they have told you. And never get so angry that you get on the phone and bad mouth your spouse  to others. Always fight with love and attack the problem and not the person. I know it’s easier said than done but you have to use wisdom by thinking about what you say before you say it and continue to walk in love.

Affirmation of the day:

I have an excellent reputation

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 24

To: Read Proverbs 24

Focus Point: Proverbs 24:3-4

I love these two scriptures because they are self explanatory. When you think of your marriage, think of all of the practical ways to use wisdom when building your home. It could be simply not cutting corners to save a dime when it comes to the upkeep of your actual home. Wisdom would tell you to get rid of the termites, or paint the house so the wood does not rot. Wisdom says to maintain your property and not tear it down with your own hands. Meditate on this scripture today and do something to build up your home because it is your place of peace.

Affirmation of the day:

I use wisdom to build my home up every single day!

31 Days To A Wiser Marriage: Day 23

To Do: Read and meditate on Proverbs 23

Focus Point: Proverbs 23:4-5

The New living translations  says, Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit. In the blink of an eye wealth disappears, for it will sprout wings and fly away like an eagle.

I love that this scripture deals with wisdom in your finances. Often times in marriages, arguments begin over money issues. If there are two working spouses with a common goal, they can find themselves lost in going after the “American Dream” or keeping up with the “Joneses”. The goal of today is to get rich or die trying, at least that’s what rapper 50 Cents says. Rapper Biggie says, “More money more problems”. When do we stop and think about what the Lord says.

The Lord says in Proverbs 10:22, “The blessings of the Lord it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it. Philippians 4:19 says, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” In Matthew 6:33 it says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you”.

Today’s scripture warns us against wearing ourselves out to get rich. In marriage, a husband may work multiple jobs in order to make tons of money to support his family, not realizing that he is hurting his family because he can not spend as much time with them. His health now suffers because he has no time for rest or exercise because he is too busy chasing the almighty dollar.

Jehovah Jireh is our provider and allows us to enjoy our lives and our spouses. We should definitely make a plan to build wealth and have goals in marriage but we should be seeking God for our purpose and all other things will be added including riches. Focus on loving one another because riches obtained the wrong way with fly away like an  eagle, just as the scripture says.

Affirmation of the day:

My spouse and I are healthy, wealthy, and wise.