Feel Like You’re Growing Apart?

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Hey Guys, It’s our favorite part of the week! Holmes Confessions Time!!!

We decided to write about what you can do when you feel like you’re growing apart in your relationship. Ever been in a relationship for a looooooooong time, and you have changed and so has your partner? But now it seems like everything that you used to have in common seems so different now? Well that’s what Jim and I decided to discuss this week.

If you know anything about us and our story, you know that we have been best friends for over 15 years, fell in love and got married. Now we met when we were maybe 19 years old and now we are 33 years old. Trust me, over the years, we have both grown to love different things. When we first met, it seemed we had almost everything in common. Our favorite artists were Bone Thugs N Harmony, we loved the same foods and the same shows, and we did almost every single thing together.  But who we are at 33 are totally different people  then who we were at 19.

Someone had asked me how do we manage to stay together so long when we are constantly changing? The way we handle it is, we learn to role with the change. Before, we would go clubbing every weekend, try out the latest drinks, get drunk, and cut up with our friends. But as we’ve grown, we hardly do any of those things. We both changed in so many ways. The things that kept us together is, we never tried to stunt each other’s growth. I went on to college and earned two degrees, I lived in Las Vegas for a month, and I began to actively participate in church and was spending most of my time there. He began to discover new and different things about himself and his field of work so we were just living life. But at every turn, we shifted with one another and was there for all of our changes and developments. And what’s really cool about it is we both changed for the BETTER not for the WORSE! It’s okay to grow; that’s what you’re supposed to do but that growth doesn’t have to drive you apart. I’ll let Jim discuss some of the things you can do to keep from letting your differences drive you apart.

What’s Good World, It’s Ya Boy!

This was a pretty interesting topic especially because I don’t feel like my wife and I have grown apart. I feel like we are closer but then we begin to discuss all of the things that we used to do and we are just not about that life anymore! Especially not the wife; she’s the Holy one LOL! I often tease her about that but I think it’s wonderful that she is so spiritual and loves her relationship with God. We both are Christian and we both have a relationship with God; we just come across different. We both have definitely changed for the better. I became a better friend, brother, son in law, and better husband. I think when you’re in a relationship, you should always keep the line of communication open. As long as you are communicating, there is no way you can drift apart because you are up to speed on your partner’s feelings. My wife and I have our family time where we just sit and talk about everything. I get to know if she has changed her point of view about something she felt strongly about in the past, I get to find out if she has learned something new, I get to understand what she wants at THIS stage in her life. I can not go by what she used to want or what she used to need. That is not going to help me in my TODAY. I think the worst thing you can do for someone is try to give them what they used to need and get mad when it’s not good enough and then we go on to say, “Well you used to like it!!!”

But if they don’t like it anymore, then find out what they like NOW. Just because my wife doesn’t want to do the things we used to do doesn’t mean she does not mind trying something different that we both can be into. Before, I could never get my wife to watch Supernatural; That is my all time favorite show! But now it’s become her thing and we watch it together, and she thinks I don’t know this, but she watches it when I’m not around lol! I’m an action movie kinda guy, but my wife lives on the HGTV channel. Her favorite show is the Property Brothers. She loves that show so much, if she had no cable and just that one channel, she would be happy, but now I’m hooked on it. I watch it all the time; and we enjoy it together.

If you find yourself feeling like you’re growing apart, find something new to love together that you both agree on, keep the lines of communication open at all times, even go back to some of those things you guys used to enjoy together; you’ll be surprised how quickly it comes back to you. Lastly, don’t forget about your date night. It’s the perfect opportunity to gain interest in something new. Go to a new restaurant, try a new food together, a new city or a entirely new kind of date night event to do all together, then you will find that place that brings you back together.

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This photo is a picture of my wife and I at 4 different stages of our lives. The first photo to the left, we were probably 20 years old or so, going out for a night of clubbing! The picture next to it is a few years later when we took her out for her birthday, to yet another club. The next picture is us engaged and living life on a totally different level and the last one is our favorite which is our wedding day. No matter what stage you are in, you are destined to grow but it doesn’t have to be apart, make it last forever.

Be Blessed! We love you guys!

Team Holmes

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