Feel Like You’re Growing Apart?

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Hey Guys, It’s our favorite part of the week! Holmes Confessions Time!!!

We decided to write about what you can do when you feel like you’re growing apart in your relationship. Ever been in a relationship for a looooooooong time, and you have changed and so has your partner? But now it seems like everything that you used to have in common seems so different now? Well that’s what Jim and I decided to discuss this week.

If you know anything about us and our story, you know that we have been best friends for over 15 years, fell in love and got married. Now we met when we were maybe 19 years old and now we are 33 years old. Trust me, over the years, we have both grown to love different things. When we first met, it seemed we had almost everything in common. Our favorite artists were Bone Thugs N Harmony, we loved the same foods and the same shows, and we did almost every single thing together.  But who we are at 33 are totally different people  then who we were at 19.

Someone had asked me how do we manage to stay together so long when we are constantly changing? The way we handle it is, we learn to role with the change. Before, we would go clubbing every weekend, try out the latest drinks, get drunk, and cut up with our friends. But as we’ve grown, we hardly do any of those things. We both changed in so many ways. The things that kept us together is, we never tried to stunt each other’s growth. I went on to college and earned two degrees, I lived in Las Vegas for a month, and I began to actively participate in church and was spending most of my time there. He began to discover new and different things about himself and his field of work so we were just living life. But at every turn, we shifted with one another and was there for all of our changes and developments. And what’s really cool about it is we both changed for the BETTER not for the WORSE! It’s okay to grow; that’s what you’re supposed to do but that growth doesn’t have to drive you apart. I’ll let Jim discuss some of the things you can do to keep from letting your differences drive you apart.

What’s Good World, It’s Ya Boy!

This was a pretty interesting topic especially because I don’t feel like my wife and I have grown apart. I feel like we are closer but then we begin to discuss all of the things that we used to do and we are just not about that life anymore! Especially not the wife; she’s the Holy one LOL! I often tease her about that but I think it’s wonderful that she is so spiritual and loves her relationship with God. We both are Christian and we both have a relationship with God; we just come across different. We both have definitely changed for the better. I became a better friend, brother, son in law, and better husband. I think when you’re in a relationship, you should always keep the line of communication open. As long as you are communicating, there is no way you can drift apart because you are up to speed on your partner’s feelings. My wife and I have our family time where we just sit and talk about everything. I get to know if she has changed her point of view about something she felt strongly about in the past, I get to find out if she has learned something new, I get to understand what she wants at THIS stage in her life. I can not go by what she used to want or what she used to need. That is not going to help me in my TODAY. I think the worst thing you can do for someone is try to give them what they used to need and get mad when it’s not good enough and then we go on to say, “Well you used to like it!!!”

But if they don’t like it anymore, then find out what they like NOW. Just because my wife doesn’t want to do the things we used to do doesn’t mean she does not mind trying something different that we both can be into. Before, I could never get my wife to watch Supernatural; That is my all time favorite show! But now it’s become her thing and we watch it together, and she thinks I don’t know this, but she watches it when I’m not around lol! I’m an action movie kinda guy, but my wife lives on the HGTV channel. Her favorite show is the Property Brothers. She loves that show so much, if she had no cable and just that one channel, she would be happy, but now I’m hooked on it. I watch it all the time; and we enjoy it together.

If you find yourself feeling like you’re growing apart, find something new to love together that you both agree on, keep the lines of communication open at all times, even go back to some of those things you guys used to enjoy together; you’ll be surprised how quickly it comes back to you. Lastly, don’t forget about your date night. It’s the perfect opportunity to gain interest in something new. Go to a new restaurant, try a new food together, a new city or a entirely new kind of date night event to do all together, then you will find that place that brings you back together.

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This photo is a picture of my wife and I at 4 different stages of our lives. The first photo to the left, we were probably 20 years old or so, going out for a night of clubbing! The picture next to it is a few years later when we took her out for her birthday, to yet another club. The next picture is us engaged and living life on a totally different level and the last one is our favorite which is our wedding day. No matter what stage you are in, you are destined to grow but it doesn’t have to be apart, make it last forever.

Be Blessed! We love you guys!

Team Holmes

Ever Felt Guilty For Being Blessed?

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Hey Guys, It’s Time for Holmes Confessions. Can I just be really transparent with you guys? I felt guilty about being blessed with a baby; sooooooo guilty that if I wasn’t careful, it would have killed all of my joy.

I noticed that sometimes as Christians, we almost apologize for being blessed with a new car, a baby, a home, a wonderful vacation, etc. We then find ourselves, or at least I’ve found myself, explaining why I have something or trying to down play it as if I really have to justify a blessing from the Lord.

I think I just didn’t want to feel like I wasn’t being humble.  Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I found myself afraid to be too joyful or glowing when I speak about newly married life or pregnancy because I didn’t want to upset those who did not yet have children or were trying to conceive for a period of time. I even went as far as down playing it especially when I got such negative responses from people who just could not be happy for me. If someone sees me laughing and joking with my husband, they may say we are only acting like that because we are newly weds but wait until the problems come. Little do they know they we have had our share of problems and issues like any other normal couple would but they just can’t stand to see us happy in the moment. One person I told that I was pregnant advised me that I should just keep quiet about the pregnancy for a long time since I can have a miscarriage and “anything can happen”.  Another person I have known for a long period of time has completely stopped speaking to me altogether. This person had no intention of hiding the fact that they were not happy for me and was going to make me pay by going out of their way to be mean and not speak to me, and a couple of other incidences occurred as well.

I did what I always do when I don’t know how to handle a situation. I talked to my husband about some of my experiences and I began to pray, and pray, and pray some more. I realize NOW that we should NEVER be ashamed of God’s Blessings. I thought about Abraham who was such a humble man who possessed great wealth and he wasn’t ashamed of God’s blessings so why should I be. That guilt I was feeling was nothing more than the devil trying to talk me out of feeling great about the gifts God has given me. Instead I should be an example of the good works He does.

I refuse to give the devil any credit by discounting my blessings. Now that doesn’t mean I should go bragging a sickening amount about them either. I can be grateful and thankful for all of the many blessings and answered prayers. I encourage you to enjoy all of your blessings as well and never be ashamed of them. I’ll let Jim explain how he felt about it.

It’s Ya Boy! What’s good yall!

My wife and I have such an amazing support system and the people that are truly important to us are just overjoyed about us having a little one. Mom is so excited, she can barely contain herself and the god parents, and aunts and uncles just can’t wait to hold our little one and shower him or her with all the love they can stand but I noticed my wife seemed a little saddened and at first I figured she was just so overwhelmed with the news herself and was experiencing some fears and emotions that come along with pregnancy, besides she was extremely sick during the beginning.  But then she confided in me about feeling some what guilty about being pregnant because people she thought she was close to weren’t happy for her and began to show their true colors.  I told her we couldn’t worry about other people and that haters are always going to be around to do their job; HATE! I reminded her that this was something that we had prayed for along with other requests that we put on our vision board and God had answered all of our prayers in HIS timing, not ours. So we have nothing to be guilty about and EVERYTHING to be thankful for. The devil will not steal our joy and we are excited about the new addition to our family. Keep us in your prayers.

Love Always,

Team Holmes

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My beautiful wife at 3 month pregnant!

GUESS WHAT???

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Hey Guys, It’s Holmes Confessions Time!

So, last week, we returned to the blog and missed you all so very much! We gave you an update on what we have been doing for the past two months and we promised we would let you all in on our confession for October!

GUESS WHAT????

Read more

WE’RE BACK

Hey Yall it’s Team Holmes!!!!! We MISSED YOU GUYS SOOOOOO MUCH!

We took two months off and so much has happened in those months. First of all HAPPY FALL! We pray you guys had a wonderful summer. We sure did. Our vacation was awesome. We lived aboard the beautiful Carnival Valor for 8 full days! So the first week in August, we were enjoying the beautiful Islands of Puerto Rico, St. Kitts, St. Maarten, and Grand Turk. Here are some of our photos.

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Photos before dinner
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The Brothers
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Fun in the sun with mom and sis
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pool life in Grand Turk

 

Those were some of our fun moments from our wonderful vacation. More will be uploaded in the photos module of the blog really soon. That was our August Fun! Now moving on to our September Fun. Will you believe that we have  celebrated our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY?! Where on earth did the time go? We can not believe we have been married a full year.

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presidential suite

I thank God for the decision that we both made to spend the rest of our lives together. Boy do we have some things to share with  you about what we learned in our first year of marriage. So on September 19th, we celebrated our anniversary by spending it at Foxwoods Resorts in Connecticut and we had an awesome time!

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hubby enjoying his crabs

So we went out with a bang enjoying our summer but we have not forgotten about you guys. We have some new things to discuss with you guys. Now you know what we have been up to in August and September, Stayed tuned for next Monday’s Post and we will share with you what October has in store for us as a Team! You won’t want to miss it! Until then, see you soon! Love you Guys Like Crazy!

Love Always,

Team Holmes