The Anatomy of an Affair

We decided to write about some challenges that opposite work schedules can bring into the marriage and some helpful solutions to keep the relationship healthy! Our Pastors told us during marriage counseling that the devil was going to come for our marriage and he certainly did.

Let’s examine the anatomy of an affair. Jim and I are always talking about the rise and fall of the family and we understand that affairs are one of the biggest reasons why families fall.

Did you know that the #1 reason people go to the clinical psychologist is because of an affair, and get this; it’s normally the woman who has the affair.  The notion of having an affair has become big business.  There is even a multi million dollar company who’s slogan is, Life is short, Have an Affair.

They start off with, I didn’t mean to. It just happened. Now nobody wakes up in the morning, has a cup of coffee and says, “I think I’ll have an affair today!”  No, it doesn’t work that way but nothing just happens.

In fact, by the time there is sexual intimacy or physical contact, the affair is already considered to be full grown.  Now, you may be thinking, this has nothing to do with me, I haven’t cheated on anyone and this doesn’t apply to my life, but don’t check out on me yet.

Guess what the Lord showed us???? The steps that lead to a physical affair are the exact same steps that lead to a spiritual affair. So maybe this isn’t about cheating on a spouse, but have to cheated on GOD???? Please be advised that if you have given yourself to Christ, you are in a spiritual marriage.

Affairs all start the same way, when complacency sets in and sometimes the enemy will hit us when we get comfortable and let our guard down. We recognize that a great relationship will demand EVERYTHING! So if you want to get to the next level, trust me you have to work twice as hard.

One early morning during my morning devotion, the Lord lead me to 2 Samuel 11 and begin to uncover some things about affairs in this very familiar passage of scripture.  This affair is between David and Bathsheba.  So basically, David saw Bathsheba bathing one afternoon and he sent someone to find out who she was then sent for her. She was the wife of Uriah the Hittite.  Now when Bathsheba came to the palace, the Bible says she slept with David. She returned home and later found out that she was pregnant and made David of aware of this.  So David tried to cover all of this up by sending for Uriah.  He told him to go home to his wife.  But Uriah did not go home.  He slept that night at the king’s palace guard.  When David saw that Uriah did not go home, He asked, “Why didn’t you go home last night after being away for so long?” But Uriah replied that his men were camping in the open fields and how could he just leave them and go sleep with his wife. Long story short, David invited Uriah to dinner and got him drunk, but even then he could not get Uriah to go home to his wife. Again he slept at the palace entrance with the king’s palace guard.  Since David’s cover up didn’t work, he sent Joab a message to have Uriah sent to the front line in battle so that he may be killed.

I shared this story with Jim and we analyzed it together. Now what we found extremely interesting about this story is as David called for Bathsheba, she immediately slept with him.  She did not have to but she did because she had been neglected. Her husband was a work aholic who valued work over his time with her. I’m guilty of feeling like this.

James works 2 demanding jobs and one is overnight, making his schedule completely opposite of mine because I work in the morning.  He sometimes works 16 hours a day and that can be 4 days out of the week.  So what do you think he wants to do when he gets home? SLEEP! What do you think I want to do when I get home? Harass him LOL!

Some people see us and say, “I wish I had what yall have! Yall look so happy. I want a perfect marriage too!! Yall must never have an argument!” The only thing that is true is YES, we are happy, but we are HUMANS like everyone else. We argue and experience the same challenges that everyone else faces in marriage. I always think im my head, “Don’t say you want what I have!” My husband works two demanding jobs and because one of them is overnite, that means I sleep alone most nights. DO YOU REALLY WANT THAT??????  But then the Holy Spirit would check my attitude and show me some things that I needed to be doing during this season of our lives. And reminded me that only the Lord can give an understanding wife. (Prov 19:14)

I’ll let Jim explain his take on the matter.

What’s good world! It’s J-Hov in the range rov, JK! I feel like ole boy Uriah got what’s coming to him.  The way I see it is, he wanted to work, work, work! I’m not saying Bathsheba wasn’t wrong for sleeping with the King, but Uriah neglected his wife and ultimately lost his life because of it.

I had a co-worker at my job who worked just as hard as me. He worked very long hours and he would come home and sleep, sleep, sleep! His wife ended up finding someone else on the side and left him because of this.

I have decided, even though I do work 2 jobs, that I will not end up like Uriah or my co-worker! Why? Because I value my marriage above all else. I can always get another job but not another wife. Well I could get another wife, But not my WIFE! I’d have no choice but to settle.  It’s all about balance.  Even though I work 2 jobs that demand  so much of my time, my wife comes first. So I will work 10 at nite until 8 in the morning, then go to my second job at 9 in the morning and work until 5:30 pm and then come home, take a shower and take my wife out.  It doesn’t matter how tired I am, I never neglect my wife because I am tired. I’ll sleep when I die lol! Pray for me yall lol!

So we have come up with some solutions to dealing with our scheduling conflicts and if you guys have some to share feel free to give us tips.

1. Always Always Always make it a priority to spending time together

2. Don’t get complacent

3.  Enforce date nite no matter what

4. Experience new things together

5. TALK!!!! Listen to eachother and be open to each other’s suggestions

Thanks for reading guys! We know that we are not alone and that all relationships experience friction. Love yall! We pray that God blesses all relationships and gives us the tools to fight the enemy when he comes for our marriage! Be blessed!

Holmes News:

1. We are still saving like crazy with our Savings Plan on Steroids

2. We are preparing for vacation! So trying to lose weight!

3. Photo to the left: Our date night at the Vanderbilt! We had a blast playing pool!


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